Are you dating or in a relationship with a wonderful human being, but something just seems off? Does this person behave strangely in or around bodies of water? Do they disappear for hours at a time with a friend and say they were “training tables” or “practicing FRC?” Are you suspicious of their strange tan lines and morning fasts?
It may be possible that you are dating a freediver.
There are 10 telltale signs to look out for if you suspect that you are indeed in a relationship with a freediver. Some of these may apply to the average person, but a freediver will usually exhibit 3 or more of these signs:
1. A strange tan around their nose and eyes
Did your partner go heavy on the bronzer in an unlit bathroom mirror? Or is it a tan line that comes from wearing a mask…while freediving?
2. They pinch their nose and make faces in inappropriate places
Have you ever been on a date in a fancy, candlelit restaurant when your date started pinching their nostrils closed, inflating their cheeks, and making weird facial expressions? They could be practicing mouthfill, a freediving equalization technique that non-divers know nothing about. They could also just be trying to scare the child at the table behind you.
3. They refuse to sleep in air-conditioning at night
No matter how baking hot it is in the night, your lover hides the air-con remote and refuses you the sweet sensation of cold air in order to prevent dry nasal passages. Could it be for their sinus equalization the next day?
4. Their money is mysteriously disappearing
Is your partner’s hard-earned cash going towards presents and nice dinners just for you? Probably not, since freediving equipment is so terribly expensive. Expect an engagement ring from a jewelry vending machine in the mall.
5. All of your vacations have to be by the sea
You may suggest a nice holiday to a ski resort in the Alps, but your partner would always rather go to places like Dahab. Could it be to visit a lover? That lover’s name might be “The Blue Hole.” Uh oh.
6. They are annoyingly healthy
Did they quit drinking excessively lately? Are they worried about their potassium and iron levels? Are they avoiding dairy or doing something called “apnea walking?” Are they doing it to be a better partner for you…or for freediving?
7. They skip out on your precious breakfast time together
Mimosas and mango crepes have been replaced with drinking a ton of water, Uddiyana Bandha, eating nothing, and disappearing to “train.”
8. You sometimes wake up and find them not breathing next to you
Have you ever woken up next to your partner, only to find them using the stopwatch on their cell phone and holding their breath for far longer than normal? Words like “CO2 tables,” “maximum attempt,” and “contractions” should raise that red flag of yours.
9. There are unidentified items of clothing in their closet
You’ve seen strange, rubber suits in their closet. They may vary in colors, thickness, and materials. This might mean that your partner is a dominatrix…or they might just be a freediver.
10. You have had to play the tailor and measure their entire body
At first, you suspected they were buying a new tuxedo or getting an old dress altered. But why on earth do they need a forehead measurement for that?